Finding the Clues to My Destiny

As people grow older, most try to make sense of their lives. I’m not sure anyone can ever know 100% what their destiny will be. It probably goes without saying that taking time to contemplate one’s destiny is not typical, but I do think that being curious about it is a common thing. I mean, lots of people wonder what their life is really about from time to time.

Kierkegaard is famous for the adage that life must be lived forward but can only be understood by looking backward. So, in the spirit of looking backward, I’ll share some events, experiences, and people that at the time, seemed a little out of the ordinary, interesting, or even weird to show that you can look for clues to your destiny easy enough, too.

If I look at the whole tapestry and timeline of my life, I can play with possible connections or a sense of meaning that emerges. For me, as I look back on my life, I can see clues to my destiny in the unusual and serendipitous events and people and that make up the twists and turns of my fate. And remember, this isn’t a logical exercise but finding the story that weaves itself throughout your life.

Generally, I think my destiny has to do with a focus on personal development and finding the truth of oneself and the meaning of life. What in the world makes me think this? For that I look at the themes, events, experiences, and people that stand out to me.

Theme 1: The Nature of Reality/Worldviews

There is a theme in my life of being very interested in different worldviews and the nature of reality. Although I feel very “at home” in our left-brained, logical, analytical world, I have always been interested in philosophy, cultures, the foundation of religion, ancient history, theoretical physics, and the nature of reality and consciousness.

Specifically, when I was in my senior year in college, I took a class on the History of the Plains Indians because I was interested in history. Instead of final exam, the professor had us write a paper that had to be on one of three suggested topics.

I chose the topic of contrasting the worldview or philosophies of Western thought, the Lakota tribe, and that expressed in the book Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert Pirsig. Writing this paper, opened my eyes to the difference between Western and Eastern philosophy, as the Lakota perspective is more similar to the Eastern view.

When I the professor returned my paper to me, she had written a note on it to see her in her office. Although I’d received a good grade, I instantly thought there was something wrong, like maybe she thought I had plagiarized something. Instead, she suggested with some editing, I could publish my paper in a history journal.

I was floored.  That was a great compliment, but I was getting ready to graduate with an education degree and needed to find a job. I couldn’t imagine myself spending time over the summer editing or even re-writing that paper. In short, I was focused on finding a way to support myself, not on pursuing an interest in world philosophies. So, I thanked her but declined to move forward re-writing the paper.

Theme 2: Religion

Related to the first theme on worldview and the nature of reality, a second theme in my life revolves around religion and not because I’m religious but rather that I decided early on that religion wasn’t for me.

I was raised Catholic, going to Catholic school through the elementary grades. By 6th grade, however, I had rejected the Catholic dogma I had learned for a couple of reasons. First, I’m the type that balks at being told anything, including what to believe.

Second, even as a tween, I could see between the principles we were taught and how people behaved, which really makes any religion seem false or phony. Third, I learned that no one really knows what happens in “heaven” or after death, so I wasn’t buying the assumptions that there is only one god and that unbaptized babies go to Limbo instead of to Heaven. I mean, geez, I’d make a more compassionate god than a god that would do that! So, I started thinking that someone was making this stuff up.

However, being raise in the Catholic religion did give me a foundation in a spiritual tradition and some exposure to the philosophy that is very much rooted in the thinking and practices of the Ancient world of the Greeks, especially.

Also related to this religion theme, the summer I graduated from college, I was still looking for a teaching job but heard about a governess position for a family at the American Center for Transcendental Meditation Fairfield, Iowa. Thinking that I probably wouldn’t end up there, I still went for the interview.  When I was told that I would be required to meditate twice a day as part of the job, I got a little spooked.

This was in the mid-1980s; meditation wasn’t a mainstream thing back then. I had already shunned Catholicism and wasn’t keen to be involved in another organized, quasi-religion or “cult”. Because I wasn’t willing to meditate, I was not offered the job which I expected. But it was an interesting experience.

Theme 3: Being Female in Patriarchal Culture

Even though many women have experienced some level of oppression from the patriarchy, some like me really resent how patriarchy discounts all things female. Growing up in the 1960s and -70s, I really resented the difference in expectations and treatment between my older brother and me in my family. This was the time of Women’s Liberation, and boy was I on board with Gloria Steinem and friends.

Fast forward to the 1990s as I end up moving to Utah “on a whim” to go to law school. For some reason, Utah jumped off the page to me as I was selected law schools to apply to. The state of Utah is a beautiful place to live in many ways, but it’s probably at or near the top of the list of states that patriarchal to the nth degree.

After graduating law school, I went into Human Resources and for the first time in my life, I experienced some level of sex discrimination in each organization I worked in. Each Utah workplace for me was either a male-dominated industry and/ or run by men with very conservative, traditional values. Even with a legal education and a bar license, I was often treated as “the girl in the office” who handled job paperwork.

And believe me: being a female who is not coy or demur was not appreciated. Also, in one company, I was not allowed to ride with a man in a vehicle to other company work sites per company policy because it was unseemly and would lead to trouble. Not a big deal unless you understand the importance of informal access to colleagues as part of building a good working relationship, etc.

Theme 4: Personal Development

The personal development theme is reflected in my career choices. First, there was teaching, which shows my deep interest in developing others. After teaching, I had careers in Human Resources and leadership coaching, both related to professional development. Even my stint in law school is part of improving and challenging my own growth and development.

So, as I look back, it seems to me that my destiny has something to do with working with women around personal development with a teaching or facilitating component, while incorporating the perspectives of various cultures (modern and ancient), especially, the differences between East/West perspectives.

Definitely not scientific. But, hey, it’s my life.

The point is, if you look back on events and people that stand out to you in your life, especially the weird things that happened or kept popping up from time to time, you’ll find threads or themes that wind through your life. By looking backwards over your life so far, you can see the patterns that point you in the general direction of your destiny.