Retrieving the Hidden Power of Your Shadow

No one wants to believe that they have aspects of themselves that are a tad dysfunctional. The truth is, working out dysfunction in our thoughts and behaviors is a major chore of most of everyone’s life. After all, you can’t expect to be subject to someone else’s will (parents) during your most easily programmable years (childhood) and think there aren’t going to be issues at some point. Thus, a shadow is born.

About the time you realize some of that childhood treatment and programming doesn’t fit who you really are, you also realize you’ve hidden away, covered over, and even denied the existence of parts of yourself, and that’s what your shadow is.

Having a shadow is terrifying and intriguing all at once. Like a train wreck, you don’t want to look at it but you want to find out more about it. Yet, your shadow holds hidden but powerful parts of yourself and has been with you since childhood since you were told “no” or to “behave yourself”. You hid those aspects of yourself away in a far dark corner and covered it over with a joke, a smile, and some denial that anything is wrong.

What is the Your Shadow?

Contrary to our worst fears, your shadow is not your evil self. It’s not something to keep hidden. Rather, your shadow is the collection of suppressed or denied aspects of yourself, including your fears, desires, and impulses that your family or society made you believe were unacceptable when you were growing up. You didn’t throw them away; you put them in the attic of your subconscious. At some point in life, you can only grow into a better version of you if you uncover your shadow aspects, retrieve them from darkest corners of your unconscious, and bring them into the light of your conscious awareness.

How Do You Know Which Aspects Are in Your Shadow?

Your shadow shows up in your life usually in ways you’re unaware of, through self-sabotage, repetitive patterns, and over-the-top negative emotional reactions or reactions you can’t explain. For example:

· being extremely critical of or harshly judging others,

· disliking others for the same flaws you have too,

· playing the victim or being defensive, or

· losing your temper – especially with certain types of people or in situations that tend to irk you.

The Fear of Facing Our Shadows

Why do you avoid confronting your shadow self? First of all, it’s not pleasant to look at your own crap and to discover how flawed you may be. It’s so much easier to look at our good qualities and blame our bad moments on what someone else did to “make” us behave that way.

Second, it’s uncomfortable. Often, the reason you put these tendencies out of your conscious awareness in the first place was because you were made to believe they make you “bad” or “unlovable”. After all, no one wants to look defective or be unwanted … to be someone with flaws, insecurities, and self-centered tendencies.

In my own experience, I noticed instances where I’d get defensive or really angry, especially when interacting with certain people I usually didn’t like. As a professional in the workplace, I knew it would be more mature of me to face what was causing me to react that way. Most of the time, I was projecting insecurity or unworthiness or some trait I had that I didn’t like in the other person, like weakness or vulnerability. Now, knowing the situations and people that cause me to feel defensive or angry, this awareness helps prepare me for the next encounter with that person or situation.

Was it hard to admit to being insecure, feeling unworthy, or being vulnerable? You bet it was. But that was only because I was under the mistaken impression that by admitting my fallibility, it would ruin relationships at home or at work. That was not the case at all. In fact, most people will like you more when you admit to what they have been seeing play out in front of them all along. Once you admit, it no longer has power over you.

Now, I am more likely to recognize that I can decrease the chance of losing my temper or acting defensive just by being aware of my tendencies. And I try to focus on asking the other person questions about their experiences or thought process related to the issue at hand instead of interpreting the situation as them being a jerk or attacking me or making me look bad.

The Power of Integration

Accepting your shadow self can be transformative. By rediscovering, accepting and integrating these hidden aspects, you can tap into newfound strength, creativity, and authenticity. As you integrate your shadow, you’ll find that you’ll be better able to express negative emotions like anger and frustration in a less reactive, and more productive way. In fact, you’ll find that your shadow traits have a positive side to them, too.

Tools and Techniques for Exploring the Shadow

There isn’t much that is sexy about looking at your shadow. It takes being honest with yourself and a lot of reflection. To explore your shadow, you could start by taking the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), the DiSC, or an Enneagram assessment to help you gain insights into your shadow traits. Even your significant signs in your birth chart can help you reveal shadow traits. You can also do journaling exercises and guided meditations.

Overcoming Shadow Challenges

Shadow work is not easy and can be emotionally challenging. Expect to feel shame, guilt, or resistance. Surprisingly, these are sure signs you’re on the right track. Have patience and compassion for yourself, and seek support from friends, trusted colleagues, a coach or therapist, or online communities. What you’ll notice is that you’ll get better at catching yourself exhibiting your shadow traits. At first, you’ll realize your shadow showed up after an interaction with someone, then you’ll realize you’re acting out your shadow during an interaction, until one day, you’ll be so aware of your shadow traits that you can plan before you have an important interaction, to avoid subconsciously triggering a shadow trait and to use your shadow qualities in the best possible ways. Eventually, you will have integrated your shadow and be able to use those traits consistently in positive ways.

Conclusion

True self-realization comes from embracing both your light and shadow aspects. Continue to cultivate self-acceptance and practice self-love throughout your shadow work journey. Remember that within your darkest corners you have incredible power and potential. Embrace your shadow qualities, accept your flaws, and harness these hidden aspects of yourself for everyone’s benefit.

Don't let fear hold you back from becoming a more balanced version of yourself, containing your light and shadow.