Handling Resistance When Pursuing Your Calling: Does it mean you’re going in the wrong direction?

You know Emerson’s quote: “Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen?”

Yeah right.

Tell that to someone who has met with the resistance that inevitably happens when you set out to pursue important goals in your life, especially if you are following your life’s purpose or calling. The resistance shows up as dread of moving forward, a lack of motivation, insecurity that you can achieve what you’ve set out to do, procrastination, or telling yourself you’re crazy, unprepared, unqualified, etc. In other words, resistance was to keep things as they are – status quo.

About ten years ago, I left my day job to pursue what I’ll label my “calling”. And it hasn’t been easy. Each year, I worked hard to find clients for my leadership coaching services, making enough money but not having meteoric success.

Then, in 2021, I had a medical condition that was serious enough I couldn’t work for about 4 months. It was during this time, I started to question whether the effort I was putting into the leadership coaching was really what I should be doing. I thought about just getting a job but couldn’t quite give up on doing my other thing. I also thought about shifting the work I was doing to doing less leadership coaching and more personal coaching.

Now 3 years later, I’m still questioning the focus of my coaching but think it’s going to be a mix of the two. You see: I’m still not really settled.

The point is, I saw my illness as a sign that I was on the wrong track, and maybe I was. But maybe it was a checkpoint to see whether I was really committed to the work I saw as my calling.

Why You Experience Resistance

So, why might resistance happen? While dealing with a recent bout of resistance, I was encouraged when I came across this quote from author Steve Pressfield:

"Resistance is the key to your success…. because it unfailingly points toward our deepest aspiration, the very thing it most wants to stop us from doing. The more important the calling, the action, the decision is to our true growth, the more resistance to pursuing it we will feel."

So, maybe resistance is simply a sign you are not on autopilot anymore – that you’re pursuing something new, and as Pressfield notes, something important. I look at it as a tug of war between the Ego and the Higher Self.

Research indicates there’s a biological reason for resistance. Studies show that the right side of the prefrontal region of the brain that lies behind your forehead lights up when you’re trying to avoid something. This same region also lights up when you experience negative emotions, like sadness and anger. Humans have this deeply ingrained wiring that encourages moving away from what the brain anticipates as uncomfortable and staying with what’s comfortable.

Not only are these neural networks hardwired into most of people, but most people have practiced avoiding discomfort in favor of comfort so often that it’s become their default mode.

How to Move Through Resistance

To move through the resistance, you’ll want to intentionally stay the course and repeatedly practice shifting your brain activity to the left prefrontal region that is more associated with approaching things in life and with resiliency.

Here are some ideas for building the resilience to get through times of resistance:

Familiarize yourself with how resistance feels in your body. Recognize the sensations of it, the thoughts surrounding it, and the behaviors it defaults you to that entice you away from your intention. This will help start the prefrontal shift from right to left.

• Take a break. Work on something else for a bit. Then come back to your project refreshed and able to carry on.

• Make a micro plan. Focus on what you need to do right now to avoid overwhelm. Don’t think about what’s needed tomorrow or next week or next month. By figuring out a few next steps to do now, you will take meaningful steps in the right direction in smaller chunks.

• Have a daily routine. Heard of people who lay out their clothes for work the evening before? That’s a way to avoid resistance when getting dressed. In the same way, you can create a routine to structure your days, so you don’t need to think about the mundane things you need to do. This makes it easier to focus on the tasks that will move you closer to your purpose and passion.

• Always go back to your Purpose & Passion. The word “passion” comes from Latin words meaning “to endure suffering”. So, the idea of resistance that makes it hard to keep moving is built into pursuing those things that are meaningful and important. When resistance happens, remind yourself what will  happen when you attain that important state or thing or are finally living your purpose and passion. Think of the satisfaction you will feel for yourself and what you’ll bring to others when you achieve your vision for all of it.

• Connect with others. Talk to friends, family, or mentors about the resistance you’re experiencing. Get their perspective and advice.

Conclusion

I almost gave up on my personal vision because I thought the resistance was telling me to stop. I think other people have thought the same and gave up too soon on their ideas and passions, resigning themselves to “lives of quiet desperation.”

Instead, realize that resistance is an inherent part of life that is not a signal you took a wrong turn. Instead, it’s a measure of the importance of your goals and aspirations.

Embrace and reframe resistance as a sign of growth and progress. Use it as motivation to push through challenges and obstacles. By doing so, you’ll develop the resilience, confidence, and motivation to achieve your dreams. The reward of following what’s important to you will be worth the effort.